Retail Employees are NOT Your Personal Shoppers

This is for all the retards who go to a store and expect a red carpet and cheering crowds because you managed to find your special helmet, with the "Jesus loves me the way I am" sticker on the front and rode your big wheel all the way there.

News flash Jerry's Kid, NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!!!

Now this worthless self absorbed fucktard approaches me and asks me if I can help them find a myriad of fucking useless items that they are so incapable of finding themselves. Does this idiot do the same thing at a grocery store? "Uh hi guy putting spam on the shelf, I need a bunch of food and I wrote words and drew pictures associated with foods I like. Can you find it all for me?" This is the point where I am ready to say fuck this idiot, unemployment sounds fantastic, but I am not a shitbag so I say "why certainly you useless cunt" ( unfortunately I leave the last part in my head). Then the shit for brains hands me a shredded piece of a Big Mac box with some scribbling on it that looks like an epileptic 6 year old wrote it in a room full of strobe lights.

As I walk this special fuck around the whole goddamn store he/she cannot manage to keep up due to the cornicopia of shiny objects dancing throughout the aisles. Every 5 feet I'm forced to stop and wait as the neanderthal drools over crap that as far as I can tell are not on this fucking list. Meanwhile I get to listen to the customer rant on and on about their crazy cat Rufus that loves to wear imported leopard fur sweaters and their paraplegic nephew that does handstands up escalators.

(Side note: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR LIFE STOP TELLING ME ABOUT IT LIKE WE ARE FRIENDS. )

Finally we get to products the asshole need and he/she starts asking me questions about things I have no experience with. FUCKING STUPID!! I work in a store with around 12 different departments there is no way I am going to know everything about every product, but this asshole is too dense to understand that. If you want technical help with shit across the store ask the moron working across the store don't ask me to help you with every fucking thing we sell because I will lie to your face and you will not get what you need. I have far better things to do than be your fucking mommy.