Tuesday, February 8, 2011

No, That Chair WON'T Fit in Your Hatchback

I probably haven't been as clear as I need to be about this in my blog, but customers are dumb.  Really dumb.  It seems almost every one of them thinks that their little coupe can hold just about any sized object in it.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm pretty sure this loveseat and coffee table will NOT fit in your Toyota Tercel (even IF we turn it sideways)."
"Really?? Oh you wouldn't believe what I've fit in that thing! I bet if we turn it sideways we can get it in there ok."
"That's what she said!! LOL!!"
"Excuse me?"
"Never mind.  Sure, let's see if we can fit it."

Now OBVIOUSLY the loveseat and coffee table won't fit in her Tercel, but since the retard customer asked, I have to oblige.  The lazy bitches almost never push the carts up to the register on their own in the first place, it is YOUR purchase, YOU PUSH!!  It's like going into a bar, sitting down, asking for a beer, then saying, "Would you mind lifting that beer up to my lips so I can drink it?"  The immediate response I would EXPECT from such bullshit is, "Fuck you, you shit-burger with extra cheese! Drink Your beer Yourself!!"

So we finally make it to this pathetic whore's tiny car, and not ONLY would I require an axe and an industrial-sized wood chipper to fit her shit in there, she also just came from the grocery store and her car is packed with full bags (if she's a fat-ass, the bags are usually overflowing with chips, soda and cookies).  You would think at this point she would say, "Oh I guess we really can't fit that in there! Oh darn, you were right!  Since you do this every day I should have realized you knew what you were talking about!" But no, she proceeds to start rearranging her shit in the same way you could move stuff around in a one-car apartment garage to fit a semi-truck in there.  NOT!!


Freakin mental midgets.  Borrow a damn pickup.  If you don't know anyone with a pickup, Uhaul is right down the street. 

SO, if we retail employees tell you that your couch/grill/oven/refrigerator/desk WILL NOT fit in anything smaller than a pickup, LISTEN!!!!


  1. Just reviewed your site. I hope none of you ever fathers or delivers a handicapped child. Your use of the word "retard" is offensive to any of us who have a handicapped child. Not that you care. Imagine how you would feel if you heard others calling your child/ adult a "retard". I think you should all volunteer your time with an agency serving handicapped people.

  2. Ignore the Retard who posted above (or is that below?)... whatever...

    Anyway, have you ever heard of xtranormal? It would let you put some of this great writing and dialog to Animated people. Look up xtranormal on youtube if you want to see some examples.

    If you do this, could you email me? rainlover@raincity.com I would HAVE TO watch what you created!!!



  3. To the offended one: You are obviously a moron, if you think that when we say retard we mean little timmy in a wheelchair drooling on his left shoulder. We are talking about individuals such as yourself who lack common sense and are socially RETARDED. You have probably never worked in retail, and I'm willing to bet that your two dads worked really hard at burger king to put you through community college just so you could drop out and birth a "special little guy" into this world. What you don't realize is this site is meant to offend inbred politically correct assholes like you, in hopes that you will realize your retarded child is God's way of telling you not to reproduce.