Thursday, March 10, 2011

Better Things to Do Than Help Customers

All Retail Stores Should Display
This Sign Up Front
 Honestly, helping the helpless gets really old after about 20 minutes.  In retail, if you do not find something to entertain yourself with you will go insane.  I have seen it happen and I work with people that have been at this same shitty job for even longer than I....and their current mental state is truly terrifying.  I can only assume that it will continue to decay for as long as they stay in retail until they become a ghost, a shell of a human.

SOOOO......with that said, let's take a look at some FAR more enjoyable and productive activities then helping idiot, retard, asshole customers:

#1 Making paper airplanes - It is great fun to grab some scrap paper (in a retail store ALL paper is scrap!) and make some airplanes to throw down the aisles!  One guy watches for piece-of-shit power tripping managers, and the other launches his plane!  Rank 3/5 on the "fun" scale.

#2 Throwing "knives" - We don't really use throwing knives at work (yet) but screwdrivers make excellent replacements! We throw them in all kinds of product boxes, but the best is light bulbs.  You gotta try and make the screwdriver stick AND you get to hear the glass shatter!  Rank 4/5 on the "fun" scale.

#3 Indoor snowballs - One of the benefits to living in Spokane is that it snows.  Yeah, sometimes it sucks ass but when at work it can be entertaining.  It's pretty simple to go outside and make a snowball, then bring it inside and launch it at the back of some douchebag employee's head.  Then duck out of the way so he doesn't see you.  Hilarious!!! Yes, it's the little things that count in the HELL that is retail.  Rank 5/5 on the "fun" scale.

So those are just three minor fun things to do that ward off the inevitable insanity that comes from years of working retail because helping you dipshit customers absolutely sucks ASS!!

Also check out this great article about retail here:

It would be AWESOME if every stupid retard customer that walked in the store was instantly set ablaze....


  1. For small stores and kiosks: drawing your managers being eaten by dinosaurs, drawing large caricatures of your coworkers on shipment boxes, whiting out letters to make naughty words on important store papers, and popping bubble wrap... just a few of my favorite work pastimes.

  2. oooooh popping bubble wrap is a great way to entertain yourself and annoy others. especially when you do it really slowly.