Monday, April 25, 2011

Restaurants and Stupid Customers

I've been on vacation for the past week, so I first must apologize to my loyal fans that my blog partner Kyle has been too much of a lazy fuck to make any new posts while I was gone.  You all should leave comments on his posts like this one, "Eating is Not a Disability" and tell him to write something new!!

ANYWAYS, I think being a waiter would be a horrible job.  Not worse than retail in a big store, but still pretty bad.  I have a friend that works at IHOP and she had this to share:

Listen up customer/guest retards!  When you first walk into the restaurant, there is a BIG sign right-the-fuck in front of you that says, "Please Wait To Be Seated." You would not believe how many dyslexic gimpy cow-fuckers think that means, "Do Whatever The Hell You Want, Wherever You Want."  And if that sign is mistranslated, you know that those idiot illiterates will just cause problems the rest of the time they are in the building.  Here are a few basic rules you should follow when you go out to eat:

DO NOT:  Ask to be seated or moved somewhere else.  You will sit where we have you sit for a REASON.  Did you ever suspect for a second that we sit you in certain places for a REASON?!  Just say thank you, and shut your ugly mouth.  If your face moves, I don't want to hear any sound coming from it.

DO NOT: Ask for 50 fucking changes to a certain menu item.  It's a pain in the ass.  If you don't like the "ham & cheese with bacon bits omelet" because you were born fucked-up and allergic to EGGS, MEAT, and CHEESE - ORDER SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD OF ASKING US TO CHANGE THE WHOLE DAMN BREAKFAST PLATE!!!!

DO NOT: Be a picky son-of-a-bitch and then leave half your food on the plate AND THEN leave a shitty tip.  Assholes.

That's it for now, comments about working in the restaurant business are welcome!  And don't forget to bug Kyle.


  1. Hey Dave and posts for a while? You guys are slackin' off. Like two "change diggers" who tie up a cash register line for 10 minutes looking for every last penny in their purse or pocket so they can pay with the "exact change". Your 10 minute break period is over, guys! Back to work with your brilliance!

  2. Yeah, we're being lazy bitches (mostly Kyle though). New Posts coming soon!!